Ms. Bonilla,
I would like to share my story with you and your company and the efforts put fourth of Ms. Kerns. My family has undergone multiple 10 month family counseling sessions with another agency. Both times they were through the same agency and both times the attempts were unsuccessful. We had at one point put our daughter into residential treatment. She was totally uncontrollable and was destroying our family unit. Our lives revolved around her mood and if she had a good day so did we, as long as she got what she wanted. In the meantime we had a younger daughter that was being pushed aside because she was “the easy one”. A few years later during our second attempt at family services we discovered what we had done was cause our youngest child to feel inferior to her sister and it was too late. The damage had been done and now the family was in complete turmoil. My husband and I, that sounded like a joke there was no relationship. Everything was the kids. If it wasn’t doctor appointments or calming unsettling nerves we had to run them to Wal-Mart or the mall to get them something they so desperately needed because if we didn’t that surely meant our night would be pure H***. I took to drinking more every day and becoming very depressed and my husband became very angry. He lashed out at everything with physical violence being his answer because he just could not take anymore. We were at the point where at least one time a week one of us was threatening the kids and each other that we were moving out. I was at the point where if it were not because I knew it would destroy my children I would have committed suicide because I just could not take it anymore. The countless numbers of phone calls at work I would get because they were fighting. Not just verbally but physically. They were always pushing and shoving and hitting each other, sometimes through glass windows and braking doors. I would get phone calls from neighbors asking me what is happening at my house because they could hear my children fighting. This all came to a boiling point and my husband and my older daughter got into an argument and my husband got physically abusive. Which I did not agree with AT ALL. I told him that was not acceptable and he said he was moving out or she was. I told him he could go I am not allowing my daughter to leave. Well that night he came back after he calmed down. Needless to say I was the peace maker all the time, I was tired of it. My job suffered and my sanity. I lost interest in everything including my family, I didn’t care anymore. When the last incident happened my daughter asked me if she could talk to the school and I told her absolutely. I never wanted her to feel like this was something she had to hide. If she needed to talk about it, than she needed to talk. The school in turn called Children and Youth Services. They stated that my children are not being abused however my family could benefit from Family Counseling. I agreed to this reluctantly because as I stated before we had undergone this before and it was a waste of time and energy. Unless the family is invested in change nothing will change. So we then met Ms. Kerns, at first I don’t mind telling you I was like this is not going to work she is a young punk with books on her mind and no experience. She is going to just come in here and tell us what we do wrong and nothing is going to change and honestly I don’t want to hear it. I think at one point I even told her this. I could not be further from the truth. Stephanie came in and asked us what was going on and she gave us possible solutions. She did not say this is what you’re doing wrong or you should have done this or why are you doing it that way. She listened to us and she gave us solutions. This was refreshing from the past. As I look back to our previous encounters with counseling I would like to share why they didn’t work. The first set of people, well they were judgmental. I felt that every time he came into my home he said Sherry why are you letting your children see you upset. Why are you doing this? Why aren’t you doing that? I finally went off and told him that every time he comes into my home he makes me feel like a piece of shit and if my children would have come with instruction manuals on dealing with a child with anxiety I would have known a lot more. To top it off he didn’t have children so all his knowledge was from a book. The second group well they just never offered any solutions they were a lot nicer not as judgmental but never really did anything to help. With Ms. Kerns she helped she listened to us and she didn’t come into our home pretending to be a stuck up snobby counselor. She was just another person trying to help. I would like to say, my family has never been better. My kids do not fight every day. They do argue but they are teenage girls so nothing will totally stop that. My husband and I are finally able to go away alone without worrying about constant phone calls and worrying what we will find. When I say I am going to do something I do it. If they do something they shouldn’t, they lose a privilege. My youngest daughter has gone from doing private counseling 2 times a week to one time every third week. I do not drink anymore and my husband well he has no anger outbursts anymore. It’s like a new family. I have begun to do well at my job again and I do not cringe when I get an email or phone call from my children. I am not totally sure what the difference was but I believe Stephanie Kerns was a great help to my family, and for this I will forever be indebted to her. There are no words to say thank you for what she has given me back. I would wish that you could pass this along to her and that you would let her know that yes I would never say it to her because well I am just not that type of woman but let her know my family is indebted to her on a level she may never understand unless she herself is in this situation. To be honest, I know she has a little boy and I think that little boy isn’t going to get away with squat, poor kid, just kidding. As much as I really liked Ms. Kerns I really hope to never see her again.
With sincerest gratitude
Tammy Smith
Our heartfelt appreciation goes to Stephanie Kerns, our Family Resource Specialist in Berks County.